We all know the classic dream: Get married, start a family, live happily ever after. It’s practically hardwired into our societal expectations. Yet, despite this dream, an increasing number of young people are finding themselves partner-less. According to the ASDA’A BCW Arab Youth Survey 2020, about 40% of young Arabs between the ages of 18 and 24 are not actively seeking a romantic relationship. So, what gives?
Enter: Friendship marriages. Japan, always ahead in the innovation game, has seen a rising trend in these platonic partnerships— dubbed “kosai zero nichikon” (roughly translated, “marrying without dating”)— and let’s be honest, they might be onto something. A 2017 survey by the Japan Family Planning Association found that nearly 40% of people in their 20s and 30s were single and not actively seeking a romantic relationship instead turning to their friends for companionship and support, leading to a rise in friendship marriages. According to an agency called Colorus, which specializes in friendship marriage, since 2015, around 500 people in Japan have indulged in this type of marriage through the agency, with some even venturing into parenthood.Why? Well, it turns out that the pressures of a romantic relationship—think dating apps, awkward first dates, and the inevitable “what are we?” conversation—are sometimes just too much. Friendship marriages, offer a more straightforward, less stressful alternative.
These unions, based around companionship rather than romance and sex, provide practical benefits, societal acceptance, the choice to live together or apart and pursue outside relationships, making this arrangement very attractive to an increasing number of young people.
Interestingly, both Japan and the Arab world share a pragmatic approach to marriage. In many cultures within these regions, marriage is often viewed not just as a romantic union but as a practical arrangement—a means to an end or sometimes even an unavoidable obligation. This perspective can put immense pressure on individuals to marry for reasons other than love, such as financial stability, family expectations, or social status. Friendship marriages challenge this traditional view by redefining the purpose of marriage. Instead of seeing it as a societal duty or economic necessity, these platonic unions could help alleviate the pressure to conform to traditional marital expectations and open up new possibilities for what a fulfilling marriage can look like.
So are the Japanese onto something? I mean, there are several benefits of a partnership built on friendship rather than romantic love. For example, with friends, you already know each other’s quirks, so there are fewer surprises; There’s less risk of a heart-wrenching breakup; There are all those legal and tax benefits of marriage that you can take advantage of without needing a romantic connection; And you can save on time and the emotional and financial commitments that come with dating and situationships— especially in this economy! Also, who wouldn’t want a partner who already knows how you like your coffee, won’t judge your Netflix binge habits, and has seen you at your absolute worst (and still likes you)? It’s like skipping the annoying talking stage and jumping straight to the comfortable, sweatpants-wearing stage of the relationship. This arrangement is also convenient for those who may identify as queer, but need to marry due to familial and societal expectations.
Of course, friendship marriages aren’t without their potential drawbacks. For many people, a lack of intimacy can be a significant aspect of personal happiness. Meanwhile, without a romantic connection, partners might miss out on the unique bond and affection that comes with traditional love. How about those couples who do decide to see other people outside their marriage? What if they end up falling in love with someone else? Do they have to go through a divorce? What if there are children involved? It seems like it could get very messy very quickly. And don’t get us started on societal acceptance. Traditional views on marriage are deeply ingrained, and this unconventional type of union might face disapproval from family, especially in conservative cultures.
Perhaps, in an ideal world, the perfect marriage might be with someone who is not just a lover but also a best friend. As Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Maybe in seeking a best friend in a romantic partner, we might just find that happily ever after.
