Then there’s that morning—no text, the phone stops buzzing, and your heart skips a beat, no longer beating quite the same way anymore. The person you thought was “the one” isn’t, and just like that, much sooner than you imagined, you find yourself back in the single’s club.
During your time together, that person often becomes the center of your world—for better or worse. You usually feel happier, with a brighter outlook on life, and as expected, you let yourself relax a little bit. But when you find yourself back in your “bro era,” again, you realize that not only is the person who helped you see life through rose-tinted glasses gone, but so is the perspective they brought with them. And now, all you’re left with is a newfound appreciation for takeout—and a bigger belly to show for it.
While chatting with friends about how bizarre the whole process feels—over something a bit (okay, a lot) stronger than coffee—our bar neighbor chimed in. He shared his wisdom, explaining that, in his view, there are only two ways to get in shape: the first is to become a full-blown fitness fanatic—which I can respect—and the second is to be grieving the end of a relationship.
We cheered to that, entertained his comment for a moment, and opened a debate, dissecting the gentleman’s theory. By our second round of drinks, we started counting on our fingers the people we knew who had ended up with a (semi) six-pack post-breakup. One finger went up for me, two more from my friends, and a fourth for our bar neighbor, who confessed he had been a member of the “Revenge Body” club in his glory days. We saved the last finger for an old friend who, after a particularly brutal heartbreak in secondary school, returned from summer break having gone from an XXL to a nearly XXS (if he sucked his belly in) after getting his heart torn to shreds.
It seems our temporary friend might have had a point after all. But why is it that so many men end up with post-breakup abs? According to one of the world’s most consulted medical sites—and perhaps one of the least reliable— Reddit, “Exercise, and self-care (physical, emotional, and mental), creates an environment conducive to faster recovery.” While there might be some truth to that, I know firsthand that guys, myself included, tend to lean towards the dumb, unhealthy, and toxic options more often than not. Besides, even if our bar neighbor’s theory holds some water, there’s no way we’re all wired the same way just because of our gender (whatever that means.)
So where does that leave us? It leaves us with a flurry of theories from four overly caffeinated guys, sitting around and mansplaining our thoughts to each other. One of us suggested that some hit the gym because they’re trying to kill two birds with one stone: get fit and meet someone new who’s just as fit. Not a very convincing argument, is it?
The second and third mates found common ground, arguing that focusing on getting your body healthy is a way to eventually get your mind healthy too. Fair point, but if it were that simple, wouldn’t everyone be doing it? (They probably are, but here we are—just four guys trying to kill time without a single woman in sight.)
Last, but not least, it was my turn. The other three had already veered into a heated debate about who would win the league this season, but I thought I might as well toss in my two cents anyway. To me, there’s two categories of people: those who eat their feelings and those who lose their appetite. If you fall into the latter group, there’s part of your answer.
Another thing is that exercise isn’t just good for your body and mind— it’s also a great distraction from whatever you’re going through. And of course, ego plays a role too. Maybe you just want to make your ex jealous. When you’re toned up and in shape, you look and feel great, which boosts your confidence and helps you move on. And, let’s be real—without women around, we might as well be stuck in the Stone Age. So, when our fairer counterparts are out of the picture, we tend to revert to our primal instincts of cavemen: hunt, run, and repeat.
By now, you’re probably disappointed that seven paragraphs in, all you’ve gotten are half-baked opinions of a few guys who, quite frankly, don’t know any more than you do. But don’t worry—we decided to dig deeper into the subject. We reached out to a doctor friend to see what they had to say about all of this. He chose to remain anonymous—likely because he knows we’re full of nonsense—but still shared his perspective.
According to him, there’s no real medical basis for the claim, hinting that it’s most likely psychological. “There’s many dimensions to it. I could argue that maybe it’s about taking agency. “It could be about taking control: she dumped me, and I can’t change that, but I can control my gym routine or diet,” he explained. “Or maybe it’s the idea that since they were dumped, they weren’t good enough and abs will somehow make them a better person,” he added, explaining that figures such as Andrew Tate, with their hyper-masculine messaging, reinforce this idea that physical appearance equates to personal value.”I could see this logic at play for some guys—thinking they got dumped because they’re not an ‘alpha.’ And alphas have abs, right? So getting a six-pack will make up for the loss of a partner,” he suggested.
As far-fetched as this theory sounds, it does touch on something much deeper. In a world obsessed with appearances, it’s easy to believe that looking good can somehow fix everything. And, to be fair, that’s normal. Whether it’s ego, distraction, or even a misplaced sense of self-worth, the post-breakup fitness frenzy is just another way of coping with heartbreak.
But the truth is, there’s much more to it than that. The mind matters just as much, if not more, than the body. Without addressing the emotional and mental side of things, no amount of physical change can sustainably heal what’s going on inside. And that’s easier said than done. Our advice? If you’re going through a break-up, just try to find the mental and physical state that feels right for you—whether that’s in the gym, at your local shawarma spot, or with a therapist.
