Somewhere between your third bite of kunafa and your aunt’s third cup of coffee, it happens. That question. That cursed, immortal, unsolicited life audit: “So… when are you getting married?”
It’s less a question, more a generational rite of passage. One minute you’re complimenting the décor at your cousin’s wedding; the next, you’re suddenly the CEO of Explaining Why You’re Still Single & Thriving, LLC.
Being unmarried in this region is treated like an open tab everyone’s invested in closing. Most of the time, that dreaded query has less to do with you and more to do with tradition, nosiness, or (bless them) genuine concern dressed up in micro-aggressions. But you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Not your parents, not your neighbor, and definitely not that one khalto who thinks being single past 25 is a public health crisis.
Whether you’re single, situation-shipped, soft-launching someone, or dating someone who says “let’s see how things go” after nine months—you’re not behind. You’re just living differently—And maybe that’s the real tea. So next time anyone asks you when you’re getting married, hit them with one of these comebacks. Fair warning: your Eid invitation next year may mysteriously get “lost in the mail.”
“I’m just waiting for my cousin to get divorced first. Gotta keep the drama flowing.”
Is it a joke? Is it real? Who knows.
“When you stop asking me that.”
4D chess move.
“Inshallah soon.” (Then immediately ask: “How’s your cholesterol?”)
Redirect and remind them to take care of themselves. Bonus points for concern.
“My soulmate is probably still stuck in traffic.”
Because honestly, they probably are.
“When I meet a man who isn’t emotionally married to his mother.”
No, I will not compete with Umm Saeed.
“Why? You tryna sponsor the wedding?”
Nooooow it’s crickets.
“I’m already married… to the streets.”
That’ll get them off your case.
“When are you getting divorced?”
Uno reverse card.
