Alright lovebirds, we get it, you’re in a fully-committed relationship and you’re about to let the entire world know exactly what Feb. 14 means to you. And it’s not that we don’t want to see you happy, but for the rest of us out there, Valentine’s Day (AKA single’s awareness day) feels like an even scarier version of Halloween, serving as an annual reminder of how lonely we are.
As a professional single Pringle struggling to mingle, I did what any self-respecting solo-dolo would do and went straight to the world’s de-facto help centre, Reddit, to figure out how people like me are supposed to survive the day.
From unhinged distractions to strategic social disappearances methods, petty acts of self-care and full-blown denial strategies, below, eight tried-and-tested Valentine’s Day hacks Reddit users rely on.
Popejim: “Sit in a restaurant glancing at your watch every few minutes, then just quietly start sobbing. With luck, someone will take pity on you for being stood up on Valentine’s day and will buy you dinner.”
Note: Only works if you can get a reservation to begin with.
PapaBear12: “Swipe right on everyone and wait for lonely women to lower their standards.”
Note: Shoot for the stars, aim for the moon.
(Deleted User):“Study while pretending not to notice the tears falling on my textbook.”
Note: Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ceeceea: “Go to bed early so you can hit the stores before the good stuff is gone on discount chocolate day.”
Note: *insert smart meme guy*
Marcusaralius76: “You know that crush you had that currently isn’t in a relationship? Say hi, call her/him pretty/handsome, and ask them out to dinner.”
Note: I mean, they’ve got a point. I personally would if it wasn’t for my crippling levels of anxiety and fear of rejection tbh lol
Gottabebaby73: “It’s a day for love so love yourself! Girls, go get a mani/pedi or a massage. Guys, go get a hot shave and go for beers after. Spoil yourself is what I do :)”
Note: Finally someone making sense.
Audiphilhead: “Have a picnic by yourself at the park. Look at all the other couples. Gain motivation for next year.”
Note: A little rough on the mind but I understand how the logic works ngl
Meltedsnowflake: “Go to work and sell chocolate and cards and stuffed animals to the poor frantic people (almost entirely male) who forgot it was Valentine’s Day until 8 pm. Then go home and gorge on Blue Bell cookies ‘n’ cream. Or at least that’s what I’ll be doing.”
Note: Mr. Burns would be proud of you.
