Polyamory is gaining visibility and seems to be reshaping the way we think about dating and love. The term first gained traction with the publication of The Ethical Slut in 1997, a book now considered a cornerstone within the polyamorous community. Unlike mere “open relationships,” polyamory involves multiple loving, emotionally intimate, and often long-term partnerships, with the full knowledge and consent of all involved—partners who are referred to as “metamours.” Despite its growing presence in conversations, the practice itself remains relatively uncommon.
According to one of the few surveys that specifically addresses polyamory, only 20 percent of respondents reported having engaged in polyamorous relationships at some point in their lives. However, interest has surged in recent years. Tinder, for example, reported that in 2023, 41 percent of Gen Z users were open to or actively seeking non-monogamous relationships, with 26 percent specifically open to “hierarchical polyamory”—a structure in which one primary partner holds precedence over others.
While often discussed in modern contexts, polyamory’s roots extend far beyond our contemporary era. In ancient Egypt, for instance, Pharaohs often had multiple wives, a practice deeply entwined with political strategy and dynasty building. Polyamory is also deeply rooted in several religions. In Islam, for example, men are allowed to marry up to four wives, though this has often been manipulated to serve the interests of men alone.
To get a better sense of modern perceptions, we asked a few Arab females whether they would ever consider being a second wife. From rejecting the idea of commodifying their bodies to prioritizing their well-being, here is what they had to say.
Rym, 30
For me, I used to believe in exclusivity and monogamy. But now, I got rid of the idea that my body and heart are for someone and I own my companion’s body and heart. In a world where capitalism and imperialism are turning everything into a commodity, my body and soul are mine and I want to have full control over them. So this has radically changed my vision about love and relationships and also about how I see myself and love/take care of myself.
Polyamory is an act of self love before anything else. So, I don’t mind it and I think experimenting with polygamy can be beneficial for the community– not polygamy in the religious way, it should be practiced by both partners. Adding marriage to the equation would certainly empty polyamory from its true meaning and true purposes. If we are against the traditional and conventional way of love, we need to be also against marriage and traditional family. But, as we are not in a place where we can free ourselves from society and marriage can be a solution to many of our daily struggles and issues, polygamy/polyamory can be done without having to sign a paper with every partner.
Yasmin, 30
If you had asked me this question when I was younger and more idealistic, my answer would have been a resounding ‘absolutely not.’ However, as I’ve matured, my perspective has evolved. In a perfect world, I would want to marry someone I deeply love, someone who remains committed solely to me as we grow old together, like most women do. But I’ve come to realize there is at least one scenario where I wouldn’t mind being a second wife: if my marriage were purely for convenience, financial security, or stability, and I had no genuine love or emotional connection with my husband. In that case, he could marry a million women, and I wouldn’t care. But if I were in love with my partner, there’s no way I could share him. I’m far too possessive and jealous for that!
Sohaila, 25
I would Absolutely NOT be a second wife, because I don’t share husbands. I don’t think that a second marriage is valid unless justified by religion, in terms of the actual conditions to go through with one, but regardless I wouldn’t want that on anyone, or myself only because it seems too intimate a thing to share with anyone else. That’s your life partner and God made us in pairs. I just can’t grasp the idea, but also no judgment to anyone who is allowing that. I feel like you can always be generous and help out and be a role model for people, without sharing yourself fully with multiple wives. Because I would assume that the second marriage is happening for reasons like that. I don’t believe that you can love two people at the same time, so one of the marriages will lack that.
Laila, 24
Personally, I don’t see myself being able to be a second wife. I think there is nothing more wholesome than true companionship, and to share that with another person, or to just share it with someone else doesn’t really sit right with me. I understand that it may be circumstantial, and people have their reasons for it, and that in Islam it is allowed, however I do think people twist the rules and make it their own. I want my man to be my man and that’s it, period. Not in the business of sharing him with anyone else.
Yasmeen, 28
I would never be a second wife because I just know that the treatment will never be the same, and I would have a lot of resentment and jealousy, and there’s no way I would ever want to be a second choice, or a second option. Hell no, I’m just not the type to be able to do that.
Lina, 26
What really gets on my nerves about the idea of being a second wife is because men–especially in an Egyptian societal context because that’s what I’ve been exposed to–even the ones that are not necessarily religious, fall back on this idea that in Islam they can marry four wives when it pleases them and under their own terms, while on the other hand they are not on their deen. They pick and choose when their deen is relevant in a sense. Little do they know that the Prophet Muhammaed (PBUH) married numerous wives for various reasons. So that makes me angry, because I feel like throughout our society men pick and choose what aspect of religion to practice if it’s convenient for them.
On a personal note, the reason why I wouldn’t agree to be a second wife, especially if it is to an Arab or an Egyptian man, is because he wouldn’t let me marry another man. I don’t know an Arab man that would allow his wife to marry two men, if we were speaking in a hypothetical world where it wasn’t something that was related to religion.
Nadine, 31
I would not want to share my husband with another woman. I would feel grossed out knowing he’s being intimate with someone else and me simultaneously. Plus I’m the jealous type so just simply seeing my husband give affection to another woman would drive me insane. No thank you!
Sara, 25
My stepfather had three wives, and my mom is the third. In Islam, a man is allowed to have up to four wives, but honestly, I have no idea how they manage it. It’s hard enough to handle one family—imagine four! My mom’s situation left me with a lot of trauma. Because she is the third wife, my stepfather is already committed to two other families. He doesn’t even keep his clothes at my mom’s house and would only visit occasionally. I grew up feeling abandoned, like there was always someone or something that came before my mom. It’s painful to see her in a relationship where she doesn’t have him 100 percent. I can’t understand why men choose to marry multiple women; it makes more sense to have one wife and be fully dedicated to her. But I know my stepfather loves my mom, and she loves him too—otherwise, she would have left long ago. It’s a very complex situation. Now that I’m married, I know I could never be someone’s second wife. It’s just not something I could accept. I need my husband’s full attention without constantly worrying about which wife he’s with or which child needs him.
