{"id":16840,"date":"2018-07-17T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-17T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/young-arabs-hide-parents\/"},"modified":"2018-07-17T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2018-07-17T00:00:00","slug":"young-arabs-hide-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/young-arabs-hide-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"What Young Arabs Hide from their Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve grown up with Arab parents<\/a>, I\u2019m sure some of you will agree that no matter how old we are, we are still sometimes bound by the rules of 7aram <\/i>or 3eib.<\/i><\/p>\n

There is no getting out of them, and there is no claiming that we\u2019re adults. The reality is, some parts of our private lives have to be hidden from our parents and more often than not, life could end up becoming a schizophrenic adventure<\/a>.<\/p>\n

To get a better understanding of the realities of growing up Arab, MILLE<\/i> caught up with six young Arabs from across the region to find out what they hide from their parents, and how they feel about it.<\/p>\n

Maya, 26, Lebanese
\n<\/b>\u201cI lied to my dad about what I was studying at university. He thought I was studying international law or something that would pave the way to a diplomatic career, but I was actually studying anthropology. Seems like a silly thing to lie about but I lied because on a bigger scale I was afraid this would reveal how different a person I am to that who he wished I was\u2014 that it\u2019d be the gateway for him to realise that I would grow up to be all things he disapproves of, because I inherently felt like that that\u2019s where my dreams and ambitions were leading to. There\u2019s a huge gap between me and my dad\u2019s worldview and the way we navigate through life. It\u2019s hard for me to accept that he does not value what I value, because it feels like by extension he will never value me for who I am. I\u2019d rather deal with that myself, keep a front, than have him face it too. Or maybe I just think it\u2019d be more painful to actively hear his disapproving remarks than keep a front. Even to this day I find myself jealous of the kids whose parents applaud their artistic and intellectual achievements.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wissam, 21, Kuwaiti
\n<\/b>\u201cI think that growing up in Arab country, it\u2019s impossible to have an absolute identity, we can\u2019t be the same person every time and with everybody. There is the person we are in our safe spaces and then the person we show to our family and in particular to our parents. Most Arabs have a very clear image of what parents expect from them. Personally, I have tried to stick to this image for long, and today I have managed to distance myself from it, but I still hide the side of me that doesn\u2019t fit the idea of the \u201cprodigy\u201d. Even if I do my best to be independent and responsible, I still have a very infantilising relationship with my parents; they don\u2019t know I smoke, I don\u2019t openly speak about alcohol, and even if they drink, I wouldn\u2019t have a glass with them. It\u2019s the same in terms of sexuality; it\u2019s a subject I can\u2019t approach. As soon as I\u2019m at home, I become an asexual human being. In Europe, there is a pressure around the \u201ccoming out\u201d and this obligation to always having to express all the facets of our identity. Western societies focus much more on the individual, whereas values surrounding the family are still very important to us. And if avoiding conflicts mean hiding stuff, a lot are ready to do this sacrifice. I think Arabs are much more changeable and accept the plurality of their identities; because maybe being an Arab is all about having a plural identity. I try not to lie to myself, but not everybody is supposed to know everything, as long as we don\u2019t pretend to be who we are not.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nada, 23, Syrian
\n<\/b>\u201cI don\u2019t tell my parents about intimate details of a relationship<\/a>. I would tell my mother about a guy, but will never say I\u2019ve kissed him or anything else. I have open-minded parents, but these things are personal. But I don\u2019t really mind to be honest, I feel like it\u2019s respectful, some things are not meant to be shared. I don\u2019t think my parents need to picture it. The way I see it is that societies should not change my parents. I\u2019d rather let them be happy in denial. But having said that, I wish I could ask my mother for certain advice, I would have probably made less mistakes in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mohamed, 24, Saudi
\n<\/b>\u201cI hide my suicidal thoughts. I hide my depression. My relationship with them isn\u2019t healthy and it makes me sad, but I think there is no way they could understand me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Myriam, 21, Tunisian
\n<\/b>\u201cWhen I was a teenager, I used to lie all the time<\/a> about where I was going and who I was hanging out with. I grew up in Europe, and my parents didn\u2019t want me hanging out in the streets. I had a very strict curfew and less freedom compared to my European friends. That involved putting myself in really dangerous situations; I would climb mountains barefoot just to get home on time. I remember running my ass off alone at night, but now when I look back I believe I was a real hustler.\u201d<\/p>\n

Karim, 18, Moroccan
\n<\/b>\u201cI tried to indirectly test my father, and I quickly realised it was going to be impossible to have a discussion. That\u2019s why I keep \u00a0my private life to myself, as I fear to be rejected. I don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m really myself when I\u2019m with them. There are always secrets and it really makes me feel uncomfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lana, 19, Jordanian
\n<\/b>\u201cI have a beautiful relationship with my parents, I usually don\u2019t hide anything from them. But since I started modelling I had to lie about it. They wouldn\u2019t understand what modelling is, thankfully I only pose in Amman now but my dream is to go to Paris. I fear the moment I will have to tell them that I lied to them and explain that modelling is a legit job.\u201d<\/p>\n

Photography by Sarah Ben Romdane<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve grown up with Arab parents, I\u2019m sure some of you will agree that no matter how old we are, we are still sometimes bound by the rules of 7aram or 3eib. There is no getting out of them, and there is no claiming that we\u2019re adults. The reality is, some parts of our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":16841,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4190],"tags":[4417,6551,6677,6678,6434],"primary_tag":[4430],"ppma_author":[4260],"acf":[],"authors":[{"term_id":4260,"user_id":15,"is_guest":0,"slug":"mille","display_name":"Mille","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/91102941b36010fd861faacb2e5df639?s=96&d=mm&r=g","description":"","first_name":"","last_name":"","user_url":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16840"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16840"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16840\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16841"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16840"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16840"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16840"},{"taxonomy":"primary_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/primary_tag?post=16840"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.milleworld.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=16840"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}