3obalek, said every aunt, uncle, and distant relative I ran into at my cousin’s wedding just last month. 3o2balek, ya zanzoona, you’re next. It just kept happening, as I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that my cousin, who is my age, is getting married. Sometimes my response was Inshallah, because what else am I supposed to say? But most of the time, my response was a mere silence and a half-smile that conveyed my bewilderment towards the idea of marriage as a whole.
Then she walked down the aisle to a traditional Egyptian zafa, and my brain went on a never-ending spiral. My thoughts sat somewhere between panic, confusion, and just more confusion. Panic, because I couldn’t wrap my head around spending what they call “the rest of your life” with someone. Panic, because does that mean I should be well on my way to getting married? Or at least engaged? Am I too late or is it too early? Confusion, because I’m still stuck in a quarter life crisis, barely comprehending my purpose on this thing called earth, or myself in fact. Oh, and the recession that’s going on, and my career, and how I can possibly let someone else burst my existential bubble through this thing called marriage. And, and, and…
I understand that everyone has their own path in life, and everything is maktub, but I can’t help but question and express my hesitation and confusion. Some part of me does believe that marriage is one of the most beautiful commitments a human being can experience, but why does it feel like a commitment of that stature is hard to come by? We hear stories of how our parents and grandparents were on their way to getting married from the moment they hit the 20 mark. It seemed easy, smooth-sailing, and organic back then. Obviously, most of the talk surrounding marriage came from a strong sense of tradition, something else you had to check off your “list of things to do in life” list. It may not have always been ethical, and under healthy circumstances, but still, meeting someone and saying “I do” sounded like it was a piece of cake back then, so why is it so difficult for us Gen Z-ers?
I asked some of my fellow Gen Z comrades how they felt about this whole marriage enterprise and after gathering just some opinions on said topic, it is hard to box in a simple Gen Z mentality on marriage.
There is no doubt that everyone has different outlooks and perspectives on how they want to lead their lives, marriage or not. However, Gen Z and later millennials seems to playing a different ball game, with more factors and challenges to juggle. As journalist Jessica Klein truthfully stated in an article she wrote for BBC in 2022, “First, this generation is entering adulthood during a particularly tenuous time, marked by the Covid-19 pandemic, ever-worsening climate change, and financial instability. Many feel they need to achieve stability for themselves before bringing another person into the picture. There’s also the increased access to relationship information online, empowering Gen Z with the language they need to articulate both who they are as well as what they want from a relationship that doesn’t compromise their identity and needs.”
Klein sums it up truthfully and accurately, depicting exactly what was going through my head when I saw my cousin walk down the aisle. Thus posing the question, what are we prioritizing over marriage and settling down? So maybe, Gen Z does want to say I do, but doesnt feel like they can just yet.
P.S. In my humble opinion, before getting married or any relationship as a matter of fact, I think everyone should read All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks, thank me later.
Read on to discover what young Arabs really think about the idea of marriage.
The Optimist
“Marriage is an important pillar of modern society, but desperately needs reform as a concept. It sounds fun though, imagine having a best friend but contractually?”
“Time is probably the most valuable commodity. We don’t get it back. So to dedicate the rest of our little life to one other person in marriage is beautiful. Don’t get me wrong though, the actual process of marriage these days seems daunting. Especially when you factor in families, cultures, and religion.”
“I feel excited as well as concerned because I do believe something like that isnt in my control. It’s your qadar (fate). It’s confusing because everyone around me always says to choose wisely so that’s a concern in itself, if I can make that right decision, but then again it is up to fate or what is maktub for me. The other main concern is that it may not happen. But all in all, I think marriage is more about starting a family of my own and not so much a means to a happily ever after, like a romcom.”
“It’s cool, innit.”
The Hesitant
“Yikes. That’s literally how it makes me feel. I feel like in my life growing up I haven’t seen any healthy relationships. So the idea of one person, forever, scares me.”
“Worried.”
“Waste of time.”
“I’m terrified. It’s just crazy that you’re going to be together forever. No privacy, you share a room, a house, etc. Obviously every marriage is different and you can set it up differently, but the whole idea is a lot. To be fair, I haven’t been in a properly committed relationship so that’s probably why it’s crazy to think about for me.”
“Something about the legal procedure devalues the purpose of marriage for me.”
“To be honest, the older I get the more I’m thinking that the whole marriage thing is stupid.”
“I’m scared to be with one person for the rest of my life, and for him to be the right one.”
“I feel like romantically it can be beautiful and poetic but truthfully, it feels it does not reflect the reality of how things are in life.”
Neither Here or There
“Too far away, I don’t even want to think about it.”
“There’s two takes. There’s the first one, where I’ve got a side that believes that it’s just a flawed concept. And there’s just no way of, in the nicest way possible, of not being bored of someone after like, thirty or fourty years. Like, I think it’s a good idea. And I think it’s something that’s really beautiful, when it does work out. But, just given the current society that we live in and the era, I think it’s just bound to happen where if you wake up every single morning next to the same person, there is a point where you just kind of like— tired of it does not necessarily mean that you want to sleep around— but you just want to switch things up. Because you just know the other person by heart, no matter how beautiful that is. But then I think what also comes into it is the entire religious aspect. As someone that to some extent does believe, I feel like it’s a promise, tying the knot with someone, with your partner. Even when you have children, I think it’s a good environment to bring them up in— when they have a peaceful household to live in. So, I’d say that marriage is something that’s worth it when you’re adamant and you’re willing to go through thick and thin for it to work, and not just claim divorce at any kind of inconvenience and try your best no matter how hard it can be. Like they say, through health and sickness to just pull through with your partner. But if you just know that that’s not part of your character, your personality, then yeah, probably just stay away from it. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to just have companions in life. I think the whole idea of marriage does add pressure. There’s people that live very happily without necessarily being husband and wife. And since they don’t have that title, they just take it a bit, not less seriously, but with more ease at least.”
