Dating as an Arab can feel like tiptoeing around a minefield of cultural and familial expectations. When you’re not talking to “Khadija” in a locked room under the covers, you’re likely meeting his entire family while your dad doesn’t even know he exists. And if you’re the boyfriend, nervously dropping your girlfriend off a block away from her house post-date to evade the watchful eyes of her father or brothers becomes a well-rehearsed routine. Indeed, navigating love and relationships as an Arab comes with its own unique set of challenges, which are often exacerbated during Ramadan– a holy month of abstinence observed by Muslims worldwide.
The ninth month of the Islamic calendar is one of the most sacred times for Muslims (it’s believed that the Holy Quran was sent down from heaven during this month). For 30-days, Muslims observe a solemn fast from dawn until sunset, which includes abstaining from eating, drinking, and (you guessed it) romantic relations. However, once the sun sets and you have broken your fast, intimate activity is permissible under the condition that your relationship is “halal”– or in other words, you are husband and wife.
Despite the traditional stance against dating (or “haram” relationships as they’re often referred to), unmarried Muslim couples still exist all around the world. While some decide to step away from dating and love completely during the holy month in order to focus on their individual spiritual journey– so if your favorite talking stage ghosted you, this is why– others strike a healthy balance, finding ways to nurture their faith and their relationship, without compromising on either.
With Ramadan just around the corner, we decided to ask six unmarried Arabs how they navigate love and relationships during this sacred time. Read on to discover what they had to say.
Salwa, Cairo (21)
“I’m no scholar but the Iast time I checked, so long you haven’t made your union official by religious standards, having kiss-kiss time while fasting or not makes no difference as keda keda it’s haram — might as well enjoy it as refraining from it won’t earn you any extra points in the afterlife. I mean can you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, before, during, or after Ramadan, it doesn’t really change much; you’re already in a situationship outside of wedlock…”
Amine, Tunis (19)
“I practice the ‘three strikes you’re out’ rule, which basically means that I allow myself to see my partner whenever I want during Ramadan, but if it slips, if you know what I mean, by the third time, I call it quits and basically cancel them until the end of the month. Nothing personal but I’m still trying to secure a spot in heaven, I hope they understand as ultimately it’s for our mutual benefit for them to be with me in the hereafter.”
Lamya, Essaouria (26)
“I guess the way I think about it is that Ramadan is the time of the year when we are asked to practice self-control, and I think that the best way to practice self-control is through exposure therapy. I don’t really see the point in preventing myself from seeing my man. In fact, I think the real challenge is not to see him but to create certain boundaries around our encounters that remain pious and respectful to the holy month. I also view it as a test of the relationship itself, you can foster more a meaningful connection minus all the lustful delusions that come into play. So, the moral of the story is, in my humble opinion, see him, but remain respectful. It’s a test for yourself, your partner, and the relationship.”
Jawad, Amman (22)
“To me, every person has their own journey navigating religion, and by simply trying to be better, even if it can appear contradictory to some, is something we collectively should appreciate and that includes how we love, what we drink, and where we go. We all have to start somewhere, and the sincerity of the effort probably matters more than the outcome itself. Without wanting to sound cringe, but really, only God can judge us, not Abu Ahmed from any nearby shop.”
Jameela, Jeddah (24)
“I’m not the most devout Muslim in the world, but Ramadan is something I do take very seriously– I guess you could call me a ‘Ramadan Muslim.’ When it comes to my relationship, my boyfriend and I are long-distance, which kind of helps by the time Ramadan rolls around. He’s not Muslim himself, but fortunately, he is very understanding of my choice to prioritize my beliefs during this time. Plus, we’ve been doing long-distance for almost four-years now, so we’re used to spending long periods apart.”
Reem, Dubai (26)
“Honestly religion is something that is very personal to each individual and that’s a notion I will stand by. For me, of course I believe in Allah and I have a large set of beliefs that have been instilled in me since birth, but I’m not perfect. I do however take Ramadan very seriously as a time to self reflect and become closer to my faith so automatically any distractions or things that would be considered haram I cut off completely. When it comes to dating and going out, a ‘halal’ coffee or card game here or there I will do, but in general I choose to respect the holy month and embrace Ramadan wholeheartedly with family and friends. Some may say I’m a hypocrite, but we’re all human, and I do feel that each year that I get older I become wiser and closer to my faith which is the most important thing.”
